2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
too bad you live with your parents still
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
