This is not my ceiling
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
