Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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