It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
