How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone š
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You couldnāt remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders āunlimited hand frittersā if they wouldnāt cut you off.
Randomize
