I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
