I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
