first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
