My sheets look like a crime scene.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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