Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
