I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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