nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
