Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
