allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
