xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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