Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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