So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
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Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
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My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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