well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
