i just sent this text using only my big toe
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
