Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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