Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
