Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
where are my eyebrows?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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