Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
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she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
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My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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