That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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