My liver just broke up with me...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
