You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
