The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize