I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
