Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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