Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
