Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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