i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
