do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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