She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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