I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This is the high leading the old right now
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
