A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer