Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup