she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.