This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
