ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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