she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
