I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
