NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
