Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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