i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
