Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
