I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
