Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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