You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
