i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
