So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
