i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
