Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize