I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
