seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
