im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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