just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
