hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
