Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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