it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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