I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
