I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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