: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
