just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
