ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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