New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
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