just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
